she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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