I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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