He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just want nice things and good sex
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
