update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize