i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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