new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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