he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
