hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
