i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I supernannyed him into submission
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
