i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
