I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
