just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
