i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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