I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
