i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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