we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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