if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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