You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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