I don't think brook has ever known best
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
this hospital has no fireball
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
