rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
