Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
