I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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