Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
