One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
