Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
