No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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