I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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