I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
