I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
