Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
