I am spending my child support on dildos
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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