the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
