that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
