Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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