Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
