porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
