You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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