The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
