Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
