i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
