Soap is not a condiment
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
