I wish I only lived at night.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
