brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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