It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
