this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
