There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
