If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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