i jhust puked up my retainher.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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