Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Randomize
