hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
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