So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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