he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I will be naked everywhere
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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