Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
