theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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