It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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