I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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