is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
