Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
