Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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