I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
