Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
