Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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