i already hear my dad disowning me
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
