Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
