i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
