3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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