you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
