im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
