when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
