dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
