He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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